Month: February 2005

Dear L,

(See her letter below). Indeed, part of forgiveness is knowing that we are capable of handling the same situation if it arises again. People who forgive are people who know they will be able to handle the situation appropriately if it arises again.

"Turning the other cheek" only works as a technique of sorts. If it enlightens the person who is transgressing a trust, then it’s a valid technique and, indeed, the most effective one . . . for it allows for self-correction.

If, however, the other person continues doing the same thing, it obviously isn’t working. And continuing to turn the other cheek, as your mother did, will eventually breed the opposite of forgiveness – as it did with your mother.

But, when kind-hearted people like your mom later can’t forgive, who it is they can’t forgive is what’s interesting.

It no longer is the other person, but rather – for having permitted the transgressions to continue – it sadly becomes themselves.

And thus self-forgiveness is what truly becomes the first and most necessary spiritual act.

You’ve indeed learned many lessons. And thank you for all your kind words about the books.

God bless,

Michael Norwood

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My mother used to say that when you love someone, it is easy to forgive them.  I was always amazed at the way she did that with my father.  She adored him for most of her life.  But I knew since I was in the sixth grade, that my father didn’t love my mother, that his relationship to her was one of duty, obligation and much disrespect.  He had at least two affairs, one that was longstanding till the time of his death.  At the end of my mother’s life, she refused to be buried with him.  I think your heart can be broken once too many times that there’s nothing left to give anymore.   

Continue reading “Why you can’t forgive . . .”

Roy was a professional animal trainer; Siegfried a illusionist. Accidents with such a deadly species will bound to happen sooner or later. Humans are a flawed species; We can ‘t improve our imprefections. We have faults in our design. Like any species we try to perfect our skills; But we all can only do so much! We love our work no matter the consquence.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

Well said, Michael! There’s risks to everything.

And as another man once said, "I rather live a year as a tiger than a lifetime as a lamb."

(Jay’s original letter is below my response).

Dear Jay,

You’ve got a good heart, and I know continuing to support your son and his girlfriend seems a noble thing to do despite how apparently abusive they are to you.

But I’ve got to tell you, my friend, I believe in "tough love." I believe in accountability. And I believe in making people earn whatever greater favors you bestow them – especially misbehaving children.

Now, I didn’t say they have to "earn your love." That love is unconditional.

But I believe "turning the other cheek" is more a form of self-indulgence than true unconditional love.

I don’t mean to be hard on you Jay, because up until now, you’ve come to believe that that is what good parents do, and it probably stems from having been abandoned yourself as you described in your childhood.

But I believe (for whatever it’s worth) that when we allow anyone for any reason take advantage of our kind gestures, it is a disservice to ourselves and to them not to put them in their place.

And it is self-indulgent because perhaps it makes us believe we are being noble.

True kindness and true love is long-term. Long-term for your son and his girlfriend means molding them into being responsible loving adult – Wealthy Souls – and not people who believe they have everything coming them.

That means setting boundaries with them, and making them pay the consequences when they cross those boundaries.

Big subject here, Jay. But the bottom line is, you can believe that Siegfried and Roy knew well how to train their tigers. Their unconditional love was demonstrated when they didn’t lose their love for the tiger as a result of it’s one bad and nearly fatal action.

Learn how to "train" your little Tiger, my friend. Learn when to give him rewards, and when to (metaphorically speaking) bare the whip. He will eventually love you much more for that form of love than the formless kind you now are giving.

Otherwise, you indeed will find that your home becomes a cage, your son a wild animal, and your love destroyed by very predatory behavior.

God bless,
Michael Norwood

Continue reading “Your Throat in a Tiger’s Mouth (JAYE)”

I received an email from an overseas subscriber (who we’ll call "R") who was feeling bad he didn’t receive a response from a friend of his he sent my Wealthy Soul series to as a gift.

What triggered his email to me was when he received The Gift of Presence email, which is part of The 30 Gifts of Life series I automatically send when someone subscribes to my free Wealthy Soul Newsletter. The Gift of Presence email starts off asking "Where are you?"

This made R acutely aware of his hurt feelings from his friend, to the point he could’t even finish the rest of The Gift of Presence. Here was my response to him:

– – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear R,

If I may be so bold, it sounds like you are quite attached to the response of this person. I know how that can feel – wanting acknowledgement for something nice we do, especially from someone we care about.

Sometimes, though, we just don’t receive it. So whatever good deed we do has to be looked at as having been done in the name of higher love and unconditional giving.

There is a universal "bank account" I believe we either squander away or regularly add to. Kind and gracious acts are what build that account. And while bitter thoughts aren’t what causes it to lose value, they do effectively render that great worth useless. But have heart, R – this is only until you refocus your attention.

Let the feeling of all your kindest acts fill your heart, and in a little while, you may actually find it almost doesn’t matter if the other person responds or not.

After all, is not kindness like a morning sun that warms everyone, and not just those observing its rising?

Warmest smiles,

Michael

Michael,

Thanks for The Gift of Prayer!  (One of The 30 Gifts of Life presentations) One of the outstanding gifts of my relationship with God, is my freedom to pray to him at anytime, anyplace, and in any manner that I chose.  One of my favorite times being in the very early morning, just as a miraculous sunrise is coming up.  I’m usually driving home from work (I work 11-7 shift as a nurse, at the jails), tired and generally drained emotionally.  When I see the beautiful sun rising, I always utter a prayer of thankfulness for the beginning of another day that will be another opportunity to enjoy all of the God-given gifts in my life. Another day to perhaps right the wrongs of the previous day. Another opportunity to love, and be loved, and to recognize that each day is a gift. These are what I’m reminded to pray a prayer of thanks for.

Yes, to be able to pray in the most unusual times and places is the best gift of all of them, I think!!

Thanks!!

Julie Campbell
____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

Dear Julie

Sounds like a Wealthy Soul life to me! 

Greatest blessings!

Michael Norwood

(Friend, to receive The 30 Gifts of Life, click here).

I do have a couple of thoughts.

First, he obviously really loved the tiger to begin with. Real love doesn’t just die, even when circumstances go sour. I can see continuing to love the tiger, but maybe rethinking the handling of him and other tigers. After all, these are not people or pets. They are wild animals. Sigfried and Roy may have learned a valuable lesson, from the details of what happened, in terms of the future handling of such animals.

ALso, you can’t blame a wild thing for its nature. Or life. When we choose to take a risk, we have to recognize that it is a risk, and accept it as such. The lack of wisdom in pretending a risk is not a risk may seem obvious, but we forget.

And on the other side of it, we often overestimate the risk involved in a situation, and hold ourselves back needlessly. We become fearful of perceived risks and stuck in our lives, so that in the end, being stuck is much more harmful to our quality of life than the risk itself might have been.

And we tend to blame others when things go wrong. This makes us "victims" in a way that life or others could never do. Roy took a risk, things went wrong, and he moved forward. He accepted his own responsibility in the situation and his accountability for his choices. He refused to blame the tiger or to become a victim. He made himself in the process stronger and more poweful for the future. And an inspiration to others.

And, of course, the value of forgiveness, but I think many others will comment on that. Take care.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

In truth, finding forgiveness or not really has little to do with the other person, doesn’t it?

Wonderful points, Michelle. 

Michael Norwood

Within every adversity is the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Sometimes difficult people or situations are our best teacher. These things or individuals show up as master teachers in disguise. The last thing we as individuals want to do is turn and say to this person or situation "I honor you oh Master Teacher".Sometimes its years later before we can realize the great lessons we learned from tragedies. Does anyone want to call up a tragedy just for grins? I would think not unless you are some type masochist that loves pain and suffering. Sometimes things do fall out of the sky. People do you dirty, houses burn and tigers of some form get you by the throat. The question is after the smoke clears is "What did I learn from the experience"?You can be a victim or a survivor, the choice is yours.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

A victim or a survivor . . . or a "Thriver."

Or, Seth, how about even a step further . . . how about a Wealthy Soul?

Great points!

Michael Norwood

I loved your story about the Tiger and It made me think of many personal incidents where friends hurt me and did me wrong yet I continued to go on with them and be their friend. Why? you ask, very simple I loved them and I had to learn to forgive them or else they would never be in my life and I didn’t want that ,like Roy when you love someone or an animal you can forgive very easily as love blinds you.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

Yes, love blinds you, Daphne.

But, as the universe is constructed of paradoxes, doesn’t love and forgiveness equally give you a chance to "see the light?"

Warmly,
Michael Norwood

P.S. I love your sentiments!

I do understand Roy’s logic about his tiger. Because I came close to really hating a friend and I really don’t feel that way towards anyone……this girlfriend and I have been friends for the past 14 years. Everyone wanted to know how I could be her friend because she cannot keep a friend, however, I explained to them that I overlooked her faults, by looking at her through the eyes of God. Until finally last year, she loaned some items from me that got stolen and when I told her that she had to replace them, she got angry and hung up the phone on me. I was angry that I had defended this individual when everyone was saying nasty things about her I came to her rescue and tried to justify her behavior to them and this was the thanks that I got. Although I had forgiven her for her behavior, I thought it best to dismiss her as well. It was my intention to never associate with her again, but after several weeks of her annoying and trying to get back close to me, I gave the matter serious consideration and thought about the one thing that really made us become friends. Today, we do speak, although, the relationship is not what it used to be. Her disposition has not changed and I have accepted the fact that she will never change. However I do realize that we are that way with God, yet, he looks beyond our faults and sees the good in us, hoping that one day we will change. So, Roy loving his pet, saw only the good in his pet and I can only believe that what he says is true.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

Yup, Lois, we do need to be forgiving, while safe-guarding our own well-being, as you have had to do with your friend. And sometimes, it may even be necessary to let some friends go.

But truth is, I can’t think of a single one of my close friends who hasn’t done something major that I could have felt justified ending the friendship over.

And, I’m sure, they can say the same thing about me!

Tsssk. But that we were all angels and knew exactly what everyone ever wanted from us.

Come to think of it, might not life just be a bit too boring that way . . . ?

Blessings!
Michael Norwood

I think a form of "parenting" should necessarily and absolutely be taught {by clever well adjusted people} – because it doesn’t come naturally to just any parent – and unfortunately ill adjusted parents mess up their children and this in turn creates a vicious cycle and recurring problems in society. I loved your book about your father!! Well done to share this with us. Thank you.

Ines

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

Dear Ines,

We are absolutely molded by our childhood, and particularly by our parents, agreed! (and I love your idea of "parenting" being taught by wise folk).

Most parents, indeed, are often far less than perfect.

At a certain age, though, no matter how difficult our childhoods, we must claim dominion over our own lives and rise above the hurts and pains of our past.

Come to think of it . . . maybe that’s why they call it "the past."

Unless of course we, through not surrendering and not forgiving, choose to make it our "present."

God bless!

Michael Norwood