The following quote came in an email about the same time as your question and reminds me to see "both side of the coin". The more I practice this, the more I can experience an inner calm.
"Would you like something to challenge and strengthen your mental forces? At the next disappointing event, reflect, ‘This is also just as much a part of life as what I label a favorable event. As a whole person, I see both sides equally; I do not split events into good and bad. Being whole, I see the whole.’ Do this, even if you don’t understand it, for it contains a tremendous secret." from Esoteric Mind Power, by Vernon Howard.
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Michael Norwood:
I enjoy that philosophy, Mimi. Sometimes, though, we’re faced with some really major challenges that I believe are better to experience in their full impact rather than sugar-coat in our minds as being "all good" (ie. how much good would it have done to espouse Vernon’s philosophy to families of 9/11 victims on 9/11, 9/12, 9/13, 14 & 15?).
I believe in first being present with whatever is truly there – grief, anger, sadness, etc. Experience the emotion fully and without "trying to look on the bright side."
But then, at a certain point, to indeed begin looking for the "Gifts" from the challenge.
And perhaps a little later, to begin stop thinking about the challenge constantly, and to move on.
But then, after that, to use what we experienced to look at how we can help others overcome similar challenges. Thus we become an instrument of grace in other people’s lives . . . and in our own.