Author: Michael Norwood

(Jay’s original letter is below my response).

Dear Jay,

You’ve got a good heart, and I know continuing to support your son and his girlfriend seems a noble thing to do despite how apparently abusive they are to you.

But I’ve got to tell you, my friend, I believe in "tough love." I believe in accountability. And I believe in making people earn whatever greater favors you bestow them – especially misbehaving children.

Now, I didn’t say they have to "earn your love." That love is unconditional.

But I believe "turning the other cheek" is more a form of self-indulgence than true unconditional love.

I don’t mean to be hard on you Jay, because up until now, you’ve come to believe that that is what good parents do, and it probably stems from having been abandoned yourself as you described in your childhood.

But I believe (for whatever it’s worth) that when we allow anyone for any reason take advantage of our kind gestures, it is a disservice to ourselves and to them not to put them in their place.

And it is self-indulgent because perhaps it makes us believe we are being noble.

True kindness and true love is long-term. Long-term for your son and his girlfriend means molding them into being responsible loving adult – Wealthy Souls – and not people who believe they have everything coming them.

That means setting boundaries with them, and making them pay the consequences when they cross those boundaries.

Big subject here, Jay. But the bottom line is, you can believe that Siegfried and Roy knew well how to train their tigers. Their unconditional love was demonstrated when they didn’t lose their love for the tiger as a result of it’s one bad and nearly fatal action.

Learn how to "train" your little Tiger, my friend. Learn when to give him rewards, and when to (metaphorically speaking) bare the whip. He will eventually love you much more for that form of love than the formless kind you now are giving.

Otherwise, you indeed will find that your home becomes a cage, your son a wild animal, and your love destroyed by very predatory behavior.

God bless,
Michael Norwood

Continue reading “Your Throat in a Tiger’s Mouth (JAYE)”

I received an email from an overseas subscriber (who we’ll call "R") who was feeling bad he didn’t receive a response from a friend of his he sent my Wealthy Soul series to as a gift.

What triggered his email to me was when he received The Gift of Presence email, which is part of The 30 Gifts of Life series I automatically send when someone subscribes to my free Wealthy Soul Newsletter. The Gift of Presence email starts off asking "Where are you?"

This made R acutely aware of his hurt feelings from his friend, to the point he could’t even finish the rest of The Gift of Presence. Here was my response to him:

– – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear R,

If I may be so bold, it sounds like you are quite attached to the response of this person. I know how that can feel – wanting acknowledgement for something nice we do, especially from someone we care about.

Sometimes, though, we just don’t receive it. So whatever good deed we do has to be looked at as having been done in the name of higher love and unconditional giving.

There is a universal "bank account" I believe we either squander away or regularly add to. Kind and gracious acts are what build that account. And while bitter thoughts aren’t what causes it to lose value, they do effectively render that great worth useless. But have heart, R – this is only until you refocus your attention.

Let the feeling of all your kindest acts fill your heart, and in a little while, you may actually find it almost doesn’t matter if the other person responds or not.

After all, is not kindness like a morning sun that warms everyone, and not just those observing its rising?

Warmest smiles,

Michael

Michael,

Thanks for The Gift of Prayer!  (One of The 30 Gifts of Life presentations) One of the outstanding gifts of my relationship with God, is my freedom to pray to him at anytime, anyplace, and in any manner that I chose.  One of my favorite times being in the very early morning, just as a miraculous sunrise is coming up.  I’m usually driving home from work (I work 11-7 shift as a nurse, at the jails), tired and generally drained emotionally.  When I see the beautiful sun rising, I always utter a prayer of thankfulness for the beginning of another day that will be another opportunity to enjoy all of the God-given gifts in my life. Another day to perhaps right the wrongs of the previous day. Another opportunity to love, and be loved, and to recognize that each day is a gift. These are what I’m reminded to pray a prayer of thanks for.

Yes, to be able to pray in the most unusual times and places is the best gift of all of them, I think!!

Thanks!!

Julie Campbell
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The Wealthy Soul:

Dear Julie

Sounds like a Wealthy Soul life to me! 

Greatest blessings!

Michael Norwood

(Friend, to receive The 30 Gifts of Life, click here).

I do have a couple of thoughts.

First, he obviously really loved the tiger to begin with. Real love doesn’t just die, even when circumstances go sour. I can see continuing to love the tiger, but maybe rethinking the handling of him and other tigers. After all, these are not people or pets. They are wild animals. Sigfried and Roy may have learned a valuable lesson, from the details of what happened, in terms of the future handling of such animals.

ALso, you can’t blame a wild thing for its nature. Or life. When we choose to take a risk, we have to recognize that it is a risk, and accept it as such. The lack of wisdom in pretending a risk is not a risk may seem obvious, but we forget.

And on the other side of it, we often overestimate the risk involved in a situation, and hold ourselves back needlessly. We become fearful of perceived risks and stuck in our lives, so that in the end, being stuck is much more harmful to our quality of life than the risk itself might have been.

And we tend to blame others when things go wrong. This makes us "victims" in a way that life or others could never do. Roy took a risk, things went wrong, and he moved forward. He accepted his own responsibility in the situation and his accountability for his choices. He refused to blame the tiger or to become a victim. He made himself in the process stronger and more poweful for the future. And an inspiration to others.

And, of course, the value of forgiveness, but I think many others will comment on that. Take care.

____________________

The Wealthy Soul:

In truth, finding forgiveness or not really has little to do with the other person, doesn’t it?

Wonderful points, Michelle. 

Michael Norwood

Within every adversity is the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Sometimes difficult people or situations are our best teacher. These things or individuals show up as master teachers in disguise. The last thing we as individuals want to do is turn and say to this person or situation "I honor you oh Master Teacher".Sometimes its years later before we can realize the great lessons we learned from tragedies. Does anyone want to call up a tragedy just for grins? I would think not unless you are some type masochist that loves pain and suffering. Sometimes things do fall out of the sky. People do you dirty, houses burn and tigers of some form get you by the throat. The question is after the smoke clears is "What did I learn from the experience"?You can be a victim or a survivor, the choice is yours.

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The Wealthy Soul:

A victim or a survivor . . . or a "Thriver."

Or, Seth, how about even a step further . . . how about a Wealthy Soul?

Great points!

Michael Norwood

I loved your story about the Tiger and It made me think of many personal incidents where friends hurt me and did me wrong yet I continued to go on with them and be their friend. Why? you ask, very simple I loved them and I had to learn to forgive them or else they would never be in my life and I didn’t want that ,like Roy when you love someone or an animal you can forgive very easily as love blinds you.

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The Wealthy Soul:

Yes, love blinds you, Daphne.

But, as the universe is constructed of paradoxes, doesn’t love and forgiveness equally give you a chance to "see the light?"

Warmly,
Michael Norwood

P.S. I love your sentiments!

I do understand Roy’s logic about his tiger. Because I came close to really hating a friend and I really don’t feel that way towards anyone……this girlfriend and I have been friends for the past 14 years. Everyone wanted to know how I could be her friend because she cannot keep a friend, however, I explained to them that I overlooked her faults, by looking at her through the eyes of God. Until finally last year, she loaned some items from me that got stolen and when I told her that she had to replace them, she got angry and hung up the phone on me. I was angry that I had defended this individual when everyone was saying nasty things about her I came to her rescue and tried to justify her behavior to them and this was the thanks that I got. Although I had forgiven her for her behavior, I thought it best to dismiss her as well. It was my intention to never associate with her again, but after several weeks of her annoying and trying to get back close to me, I gave the matter serious consideration and thought about the one thing that really made us become friends. Today, we do speak, although, the relationship is not what it used to be. Her disposition has not changed and I have accepted the fact that she will never change. However I do realize that we are that way with God, yet, he looks beyond our faults and sees the good in us, hoping that one day we will change. So, Roy loving his pet, saw only the good in his pet and I can only believe that what he says is true.

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The Wealthy Soul:

Yup, Lois, we do need to be forgiving, while safe-guarding our own well-being, as you have had to do with your friend. And sometimes, it may even be necessary to let some friends go.

But truth is, I can’t think of a single one of my close friends who hasn’t done something major that I could have felt justified ending the friendship over.

And, I’m sure, they can say the same thing about me!

Tsssk. But that we were all angels and knew exactly what everyone ever wanted from us.

Come to think of it, might not life just be a bit too boring that way . . . ?

Blessings!
Michael Norwood

I think a form of "parenting" should necessarily and absolutely be taught {by clever well adjusted people} – because it doesn’t come naturally to just any parent – and unfortunately ill adjusted parents mess up their children and this in turn creates a vicious cycle and recurring problems in society. I loved your book about your father!! Well done to share this with us. Thank you.

Ines

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The Wealthy Soul:

Dear Ines,

We are absolutely molded by our childhood, and particularly by our parents, agreed! (and I love your idea of "parenting" being taught by wise folk).

Most parents, indeed, are often far less than perfect.

At a certain age, though, no matter how difficult our childhoods, we must claim dominion over our own lives and rise above the hurts and pains of our past.

Come to think of it . . . maybe that’s why they call it "the past."

Unless of course we, through not surrendering and not forgiving, choose to make it our "present."

God bless!

Michael Norwood

Funny that the story of Roy Horn came up today…..it’s God’s way of answering my own questions.

Last night my husband and I kicked our son out of the house because he stole a credit card from us and ran up hundreds of dollars on a hard core porn website. This kind of behavior has been ongoing for several years and we were finally able muster the courage to take action.

Even though it’s hard to stop crying, I know in my heart that I forgive him. The ache in my heart is knowing that he was raised differently and chose to take this road in his life. It’s hard to understand (as it’s hard to understand why a tiget cub raised with love and care chose to hurt his ‘parent’ Roy) why our son chose to hurt us. More importantly, though, it’s hard to understand why he chooses a path of stealing and lying when he knows better.

We can only leave him in God’s hands now. We can no longer try to live his life for him and try to lead him in the right direction.

We pray that he is safe.
____________________
Michael Norwood:

Dear Michelle,

I’m so sorry about the challenges you and your husband are facing with your son. But you bring up an exquisitely beautiful and important point.

And that is, we usually can forgive to the extent we know in our hearts we are capable of handling a situation. And it seems to me you handled the situation with your son with great deliberation, restraint, and love . . . and yet did what you had to do.

So many people who hold bitterness in their hearts are those who secretly "fear" those they can’t forgive –

     Fear they will do the same thing again.
     Fear they will not know how to handle it when they do.
     Fear they will be hurt over and over again.

Making others accountable when necessary and through increasingly stronger means is truly the path of a Wealthy Soul – as well as the path of surrendering and finding forgiveness.

God bless,
Michael Norwood

Has anyone ever hurt you or wronged you?  Has anyone you know ever acted in a way that you felt was terrible or wrong?  Have you ever hurt or wronged someone else?  Have you ever acted in a way that you felt was terrible or wrong?

The simple truth is we have all done "terrible" things at one time or another and we have all had "terrible" things done to us.

Roy’s ability to continue to love the tiger that almost killed him has an important lesson for all of us.

Roy was able to separate the tiger’s actions (or behaviour) from it’s nature (or character).  Roy had known the tiger since it was a cub.  He had played and performed with the magnificent animal hundreds of times.  He knew from the countless interactions exactly what the great cat was like.  So when it unexpectedly "attacked" him (our interpretation), he did not condemn the tiger for it’s actions but looked beyond these to see and remember its magnifigance.

When we make mistakes and act inappropriately, we need to be look beyond the actions and remember that we are a special and beautiful creation of a beautiful and loving Creator.  We don’t condemn ourselves for the mistake.  Instead, we remember our magnifigance and, from that place of remembering, take the appropriate steps to correct any harm we may have done.  This may mean apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

Likewise, when someone else acts in a way that we view as "bad", we must remember to look beyond the actions and see the person for who they truly are.  We may lovingly point out the inappopriateness of the actions while remembering and reminding the person of their wonder and value.

Whenever I feel the urge to judge or condemn, I will remember the story of Roy and the White Tiger and the important lesson it has for me.

____________________

Michael Norwood:

Beautiful point, Don. He who is without sin, cast the first stone.

Life is a matter of focus. Sometimes we can get so focused on a single impactful event with a person, or a single flaw, we lose perspective of the thousand other wonderful things this person is . . . the thousand other things they have possibly done for us or have to meant to us.

When we open our hearts while maintaining our integrity, we find that even our greatest enemies may have qualities we can learn from. And if we’re big enough . . . even love.