This is a short newsletter, with a quick question, and a powerful message.
It is a true story I heard told by a beautiful nun.
A woman she was speaking to made the shocking statement:
"I hope my children die before I do."
What’s your first reaction hearing something like that? I personally was horrified.
Share your thoughts about it in the comment box at the bottom of this page.
Write what you think the statement says about the woman who made the statement, what kind of person she must be, and what in the world might have motivated her to say something so appalling.
It’s important you share your feedback. You’ll see why when next week I tell you the shocking rest of this story about this woman.
Big hug to you! (You may need it after reading all of the above!).
Yours for the greatest wealth,
Michael
*** The extraordinary end to this story, believe it or not, relates to a famous Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model!
Share your comments below –
There are 3 thoughts to that statement.
1. The mother couldn’t bear the thought of the pain her children would endure in losing her.
2. Her children were so lost in their lives that she couldn’t watch what they were doing to themselves. Maybe she thought that the pain in losing them in death was less painful than the pain in watching them throw away their lives.
2. She was too damn selfish in loving life and didn’t want to give of herself anymore to her children. She thought more of her own life than she did the lives of her children. Can’t imagine a woman thinking that way. I have 4 children and 7 grandchildren. I can’t imagine a life without them.
I was horrified by the comment as well. As a mother of five children, I know a part of me would perish if one of them were taken from this world. I can only believe that she meant to spare her children the grief and sadness of losing their mother.
“I hope my children die before I do”
My initial reaction to this statement was that it was made in love. I do not know why, I know nothing of the author.
I find myself with many questions, the main one being, “Who is this person who makes such an large statement?” Though my emotions go rushing in and compassion overflows I’m directed to seek to understand, to learn, to reach out sensing as well, there is something important here to wade in, to absorb.
“I hope my children die before I do”. This flies against what we know about being a mother or father who normally would give their own life to save their child. Who is this person who makes such a statement? I want to know you is among my first thoughts.
The mother obviously wants to spare her children of something out of her love for them.
I was initially horrified at the statement like everyone else. Then I thought that if this mother has children with terminal or debilitating physical or mental conditions, then her statement is one of love. No one will take care of a child with love and compassion like their own mother.
My first thought is that this is a mother who has known enough greif in life to know the pain and sorrow it brings with it. She does not wish that upon her children, with what would be the loss of their mother. There is much more to think about in this statement, that being, she must not become a burden to them by losing her health, wealth or ability to care for herself.
I think of the statement made and all I want to know is the rest of the story. What made this mother make this statement. Who is she and what is her pain?
Upon reading this comment, I judged this woman by thinking, “she speaks out loud before she thinks it through”. The truth is, that happens to a lot of us…I too spout out a comment here, a command there, before thinking of the consequences of my comment. Good lesson – thanks for reminding me.
No parent should have to bury their own children.
It’s certainly an interesting statement. I didn’t find it horrifying. There could be any number of reasons why it was said. It didn’t feel like a statement made from anger. It feels to me the mother cared a great deal for her children and there were circumstances such that she prayed for their protection.
For example, I can imagine quite a few mothers in Iraq feel that way right now. I can imagine no horror worse than seeing my children caught in a mess like that; or in Africa where AIDS/HIV is the order of the day. I would not desire my children to suffer something I could barely handle myself.
So my sense of the statement ‘I hope my children die before I do.’ is a prayer for their protection from some source of pain bigger then herself.
seems too extreme to be taken at face value. must be a twist. but why do we need dramatic situations to bring home the meaning and value of life? most people suffer along in boring jobs, pressured private lives, financial stress, confusions and unfulfilment, and the person that supplies answers and explanations to those will be doing the real service.
thoreau said “the multitude of men lead lives of quiet desperation”. what can we do for each to help?
“I hope my children die before I do”
A few things went through my mind when I read this statement.
1. This world is going to hell in a handbasket and she does not want her children to live through it.
2.WOW what the woman must be feeling inside to feel like this.
3.I MUST know the rest of the story!!!
My initial reaction was shock. Then upon reflecting on what could it be that would cause a Mother to make such a statement.She perhaps has a spiritual knowing about upcoming world events that any Mother would want to spare their children the anguish & pain they would have to endure would they still be here when national or global changes take place that are perhaps not for the enlightenment of the planet. I would like to know what she is was feeling or knowing that would warrant her statement.
Being a nun, I was not aware they had biological children of their own. Perhaps she was referring to the rest of us as her children just as a priest is the father of his parish congregation.
I have four sons and know that if any of them passed before my time came, it would be like living inside of a nightmare.
Unless this mother is deeply disturbed, I believe that she must have children that are in constant pain and anguish, with no hope of recovery. It’s the only way I could think of even thinking that it migtht be desirable for me to watch one of my own children leave this world before me.
This statment could only be prompted by one of two things, either she is very depressed because of her life history/situation. Or, it is because she is is taking better care of herself than her children are.
I am not a “true” mother but I am the legal guardian for my niece. My life’s purpose was to be a mom, but I haven’t been able to have my own children.
Anyway, the thought of “my” child dying before me in one instance tears me apart because I love her so much. She has such a sparkling personality, she has so much to give, she can make a difference in this world, and like all creatures she deserves to live.
But on the other hand, life is hard and I would love to protect her from the harshness of this world. She’s already endured enough from her biological parents.
I also see the world quickly spiraling downward as people become more self-centered, the whole political correctness movement, the entitlement that so many people believe that the world owes them with no reciprocation on their part, and the lack of accountability for the younger generations which I believe is going to put them at a major disadvantage when they have to make it on their own.
“I hope my children die before me”
When I read the statement I had no emotional reaction to it and had to go within myself to see a possibility for why she may have made this statement. Being a single parent with no family and recently having a health issue that threatened my life my thoughts were not on fear of death but on who would take care of my children. “If I die here in my house all alone, no one will know and there is no one to take care of my children”. “What will they do with out me.” “Splitting them up would be devastating to them on top of the potential devastation of the loss of their Mother.” “The fear and uncertainty for them is a horrible thought.” Is it she would rather endure the pain of loss then have them endure the pain of loss? Is her limited beliefs in the way of seeing a bigger plan creating an unconscious patterning within her that keeps her from expanding outward and keeping her in patterns that are actually squelching her own spirit and that of her children? What deep seated pain or fear is within that she wants to protect her children from that she has already seen? Is there a martyr running loose within her or a belief in suffering? The questions are endless. Exquisite!! After really thinking from within and feeling many deeper layers I have compassion for the statement, and still no judgement
My first thought is that this is a selfish
person, but then I do not have All the facts. She could be trying to prrotect her children. Maybe we do not need to make assumptions until we know the whole story.
After thinking about her comment for a few minutes I felt perhaps she is very concerned
about the state of the world currently. With the violence, crime, earth changes, ozone depletion, pollution and other factors, maybe she is looking at the “worst case scenario” for our beautiful planet. Therefore she does not feel her children should be here. That is the only possible reason I can offer for a comment such as this woman made regarding her children and death.
Having recently watched Life After Life by Raymond Moody, I wasn’t as horrified as I might have otherwise been. I have two precious children ages 16 and 22 and I of course would be devastated to lose either one of them. But I think too that dying must not be the tragedy we initially think of it as, that this life we are given in just one stop in a journey we are all on.
We also live, as others of you have pointed out, in some pretty unsettling times, so my intuition is that this woman was motivated by extreme love to want to sacrifice her time with her children so they wouldn’t have to witness all the harsh realities that are a part of our world today. I am studying for my gerontology degree, and I recently learned in one of my classes that sometimes women slaves would kill their own babies. I believe they did this to spare them the lives they were forced to lead. This then was an act of sacrifice and love. Like so many of you, I too will be interested to learn [as Paul Harvey says,] the rest of the story.
I personally believe that maybe she was thinking about how much pain they would go through in losing her. I know that my Dad and I both hope that I die first because I have always had such a tender heart and hurt so much when I see the ones I love hurting. We both know how much it will hurt me to see my Dad die so we both hope that I die first.
Iam concerned about what the woman’s mental state is at that time. I have recently losted a very dear friend to cancer and the pain I have every day is horrible. I am not sure I will ever be the same. Perhaps she wants to spare her children of this pain and she feels she can handle it better some how. I believe it is part of the life cycle and we have to experience this pain in order to grow within ourselves and fully understand the value of one life. It is amazing how just one life wellived sends ripples to all those who are involved. He is not really gone because theemories of his existence are still very vivid in our minds. I wish I knew more about her feelings and how she wants to protect her children. I myself have 5 children and 16 grandchildren. I would like them to experience all the wonders of their lives and share as much with them those events that will form the essence of who they will become in the end. Looking forward to the rest of the story!!!!!
There is obviously a very good reason for her statement. I can only guess that she believes something horrible would likely result if her children were to outlive her. She must be very tormented to believe outliving her children would be for the better.
Nuns are those people that do charitable things like visit infirm people at hospitals, isn’t that right? Could be where the nun was talking to this woman. Some place like that, and the woman probably has no hope for herself. But she is a mother with children, so naturally she will be thinking about them because of the bond of love she has for them.
I’d say the quoted lady must be ancient, decrepit, and miserable. Not wishing that on her children, she expressed that she hopes they don’t have to endure living to the extended age she has reached.
It is also something her children might say as well – it’s not uncommon. You’ve no doubt heard expressions like “live fast, die young”…”hope I die before I get old”…”who wants to live forever.”
A mother only wants the best for her children. Very old people have already lived their best days. That may explain why a lot of them don’t have a short-term memory, because it’s too painful. But they remember everything from the ‘good old days.’
It looks like a lot of people have already realized that this woman’s statement was taken out of context – that we have no way of knowing, without knowing the whole story, what her reasons were for making such a statement, which, of course, is shocking, taken at face value.
Since the title of this story is “The First Stone,” I’m assuming we’re meant to understand the true meaning of the words, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” So, I for one, being far from perfect myself, shall not cast stones at this woman, regardless of the outcome, and especially based on one isolated statement.
Having buried my only son, almost four years ago, and feeling the constant pain of his loss, it is hard to comprehend such a statement from a mother. Even knowing that he(my son) is in a better place, it is a daily struggle to cope with his loss. At the same time, I know there has to be more to the statement then appears on the surface.Obviously, more needs to be known regarding this statement.
Boy what a statement!! I need more info on that Mother. I have felt the pain of a father losing his son.. he would of changed places in a minute so his son could live. There must be more to this story. I feel such sadness hearing a statement like that one. Let the whole story come out then and only then will we know the Mothers pain in making that statement
Oh! I know that woman! She and that nun are in my bowling league. You know what? She’s over 100 years old and still the best bowler on the league!
Her children are in their 90’s and used to be on the league too. But have been on critical life-support with no chance of recovery ever since that freak bowling accident a year ago.
It was a terrible thing, but I’m not afraid to go back to the alley and knock over some pins. If a person can’t bowl then life just isn’t worth living.
Being a nun, she must believe in eternal life, heaven and hell. By wishing others die before her, she is actually being selfless, wishing others to be with God before she can be there herself. She would have them die and go to heaven, while she continues to toil on earth. So, looking at it from HER frame of beliefs, it makes perfect sense, and the statement is loving and self-sacrificing…
Something horrible must have happened to this woman that she cannot protect them from, perhaps an hereditary disease that would disable them or would burden them when it struck her. We have no right to judge her. Only God knows and lony God has the right to judge.
Since my brother’s death over ten years ago, my mother has said, “there’s nothing worse than burying your child.” Her mother said the same thing after my uncle died. And her grandmother — who also outlived a child — spoke of the little girl just before she died at 93.
Clearly the death of a child is overwhelming.
But what of a parent who is going through some progressive disabling disease — ALS, ALZ, or any number of illnesses. Perhaps a mother wants to spare her children the pain of watching her slowly disintegrate into a dependent being who can no longer even recognize them.
I understand the sentiment, but if this is the case, I would reassure her that she would be robbing her children of the opportunity to show thier unconditional love for her.
Whatever is going on, it must be big stuff and I wish all concerned some light.
I wondered if the children needed special care that only this nun could give them? (Or, at least she might have thought no one else could care for their needs but her.)
I can’t even begin to fathom from any angle what must have caused a mother to make such a statement.
My sister lost 3 of her children; one to cancer, two at birth. The agony that caused her…
But then, six years later, her only living son lost her. So I’m not sure what’s worse having seen both sides of the coin.
So, I’ll just wait for the rest of the story.
At first I was shocked at the statement but after reflecting on it I thought that a mother who had children that need her loving and unselfish care because of some deformity or mental challenge might wish that they would not have to live in this material world without her.
When I read the story I was touched by the love she had for her children. Remember, she was talking to a Nun. I would assume then that she had just lost her mother. In losing a parent we feel we’ve lost our past and our present. Something we know. If you have never lost a child and felt the loss of your present and future you can not begin to understand. I believe this woman was speaking from a place of love and wanting to protect her children from the loss of her. A pain she understands. Having lost both in my life, I choose to live in this precious moment and walk in the love of those past, present and future. Love is the only constant in Life. All we have and keep eternally.
Wow. very horrific and very sad. She must be in circumstances she’s finds unbearable? Or have a heart that is very wounded in some way. She needs encouragement and prayer.
Not unlike others, I was initially suprised. Is there, however, another view? One that comes to mind is that her children are handicapped in some manner.
Perhaps, she is the only one taking care of them and should she die, they would not be taken care of by family members, or the “state.”
If that were to be the case, then I’m sure there are nuances to this situation that make sense…life is stranger than fiction, so anything is possible. Besides, who am I to judge anyone but myself.
This lady is terrified about world events and wants to spare her children what evil she thinks is lurking around the cornor.
The mother-child bond is the strongest in the world. I can only imagine that she is enduring some kind of horrific suffering.
My first thought was that this woman and her children must have been facing something so horrible, that to protect them she would rather that they died before having to endure it. Something like the death camps during WWII. Remember the movie “Sophie’s Choice”, where she had to decide which of her children died before entering one of the camps with no guarantee that the one she picked to live would surive?.
I’m looking forward to reading the whole story!
This incomplete statement was meant to create a reaction and it obviously has. First and foremost, writing about the ‘kind of person she must be’ involves judgement-and that by no means is fair. This woman is a nun, dedicated her life to serving God. Whatever her emotions may be, they would be truly understood only by her.
Not enough information here to have an opinion. AND … what’s the point anyway in posting an invitation to pass judgment on another person like this?
It IS kind of fascinating how many who posted here based their opinions on a misreading of the original information: thinking that the woman who made this curious statement is a nun. That’s not what the original info says at all.
So far, this shows us that we’re usually quite willing to jump to conclusions about most anything based on little or no or mistaken info.
I wonder how many times I’ve done that already today?
I pray that she knows exactly what shemeans, I have two sons dead. one at 29 and the other 22. one was murdered. and the other natural causes.It was the hardest thing I;ll ever have to do. two wonderful young men.gone.I try and not judge what one say or do. I leave that to God.
There could be a thousand reasons for a mom to say such thing, NONE of them valid.
There’s no reason under the sun to wish your children go before you. It’s insane. Even if they are sick, or the parent is sick, the natural way, the humanly way , the reasonable way is for the parents to precede their children into destiny. If you want your children to bear the moment, teach them how to react to death, particularly those of your parents. I have done that, and my children and grandchildren know that they need not to suffer because I will go before them. They should cherish the moments we spent together and continue with their lifes.
Obviously a woman of compassion; not wanting her children to experience grief or loss: a pain I suspect she is having to endure: a valley perhaps she is passing through…God bless all your careing hearts.
this statementpondered around in my head and my heart for awhile and I cannot for the life of me think why any mother would say that.
The first thing in my mind was that she must’ve been really depressed about life. It also spoke to me, however, that this woman had quite a bit of love for her children that she would rather see herself “suffer” than her children. I also felt that this woman had some kind of faith that there is life after death and that it is better than what she felt she had to “endure” in this life. I feel an empathy and sadness for this poor soul.
Why should we make a judgement from a mere fragment of the exchange? We are relying upon others to recall, report, convey it and those processes aren’t guaranteed – remember the game of passing a message along a line of people?
If we weren’t there and part of the exchange, then we have (very?) inaccurate information – hardly the basis to make a judgement.
The reasons could be endless. Possibly her kids could be sick and needing special care that she knows they wouldn’t get without her. Perhaps her children are her animals. If we atomatically think the worst of people or their intentions what does that say about us?
Since I posted my first reply, I remembered my first true friend and I gave a puppet to “orphans” in an orphanage next to the most beautiful Basilica. I asked the nun in charge if they could be adopted. The answer, “NO, they are the sons and daughters of the priests and nuns (they are supposed to be celibate).”
How Sad!! Think about that! Would you want your children living that way? We left tearful for both the children and the parents.
Dr.M.Norwood,The “First Stone” story shows how a woman takes her children for granted.She is only into herself.You could say she is anything;But caring.Snobs are like that;Anyways have a good weekend to whoever reads this!Can hardly wait for the conclusion of this story!willowkill
A Course in Miracles teaches that purpose is meaning. Since I don’t know the purpose behind her statement I am unable to judge any statement, much less one that is given to me out of context without knowing the circumstances surrounding the remark. On the surface this remark doesn’t seem right. But as I stated above I don’t know the purpose and I haven’t heard the circumstances that prompted the comment. Please give me more details.
the nun related the comment. the mother may have a severely disabled or comatose child that would have to be institutionalized instead of cared for in mom’s home. what it has to with a swimsuit model …?
The statement of “I hope my children die before I do” is a statement which I’ve never heard before. I definitely feel the need to acquire more information before voicing any profound opinion.
As the saying goes, “You never know what you will do or feel until you walk in another person’s shoes.”
Perhaps it is more in the nature of HOW we are left feeling when others pass away. How many instances have we witnessed the expressions or feelings of “inner peace” because someone led a “good life” yet at other times, we can see the “deep pain” which can the survivors scarred for a lifetime to come.
Death is one of those topics which can produce intimidation, fear, critisisms and attention – as we are never sure when it will be “our time.”
It will be interesting to hear next week the story behind the statement…hasn’t this one statement gained our attention?
Best regards,
Debra
I only a very simple message If I am right: If we are a true believer in the LORD, we could say that I want all children die for the cause of the LORD; the LORD’S Ministry. Therefore I have nothing to worry about the future; their welfare, for the LORD was guiding and protecting them till the restitution of all things in Christ.
Well anyway, I want to read that story.
Thanks to you and stay blessed in the LORD.
Ron Sarroza
I feel a deep compassion for this woman. My first thought is that she is in great inner pain. My second thought was perhaps her children are severely ill, with a fatal disease, or hooked up to life support, and are not truly “living” and it is out of the compassion in her heart that she wishes her children to be free from pain, and cross over to the other side, so that they can “live” pain free.
My guts are telling me that her statement was more one of heart-centered sacrifice, rather than cruelty and deranged selfishness.
I hope this to be the case.
— Barbara Rose
I think the woman is a caregiver to disabled children and wants to spare them the pain and confusion of being entrusted to strangers if she dies before they do.
Reminds me of a quote that had a 91-year old mother piping something to the effect of: “I can finally rest in peace now that I’ve got my youngest son into an old folks’ home.”
In the same vein, probably the nin wanted to be alive as long as her children in order to take care of them.
It’s just a statement. The non-judgmental part of me reasons: perhaps her children are all ‘handicapped’ in some way; it would thus be hard for them to be taken care of by ‘strangers’ if mom died before them.
Were I the nun talking to the lady, my response would be, “that’s interesting, care to explain?”
Easy. a very common response in several countries to prevent deep grief in others. NOT A COMMON ANGLOSAXON RESPONSE !. She doesnt want her children to suffer the grief of losing their mother. She loves her children, she would rather suffer than have them suffer.
Maybe her children have a condition that requires full time care and there is no one left to care for them as she would. The other ideas are too sad to think about/
Nice Ice Breaker for Human Minds.
I agrre with Concern of Love and painful condition imagined by others.
One more possibilty I see, which I would like to mention.
To live for Positive Cause Can also Force such statement. Peak feeling of Dadication or ‘No Compromise nature’ for accepted way of life can make such brave statement.
More than likely she may see the treatment many elderly feel everyday, lonliness in her declining years, and the pain of not having someone to be there for her, because they are too selfish and consumed with their own lives. A burden she most likely would not want to put on them. In that sense she is not being selfish, but again looking to actually give a gift of peace of mind. The fact that she wants to die before they do indicates she still wants to make sure they are alive and well. My own Mother who is 94 has maintained herself and has lived to keep us alive as she puts it, but since a fall and a stroke a few months back now feels a burden on her children and no longer wishes to go on. Funny thing is she is doing what she has to do to stay alive in the one breath, and wishes to end it all in the next. But is still keeps her humor.
SAhe would like to end it all but does not have the ability to do it, but does talk about it casually and on a daily basis.
The woman may well have been one the starving people who have been displaced by the inhumane activity in Darfur. She is expressing both care about her children in today’s conditions aas well as concern for an unknown future without the support of their mother.
At first glance, I’d say what a wretched soul she must be. My sister lost a son when he was 17 and she has never recovered. I can’t imagine being without my children. Even the thought brings me pain.
But, I don’t know her circmustances.
I don’t know her pain.
Perhaps she wishes to be the one to comfort them as they go.
It is never my place to judge. And I only hope her motive is pure. Perhaps it is something we can all learn from.
This statement, without the context of the conversation being known, is shocking at first “hearing”.
Perhaps she meant that even in death she would see that she took care of their needs, as a loving mother would do. Perhaps she would bear the burden of loss and grief instead of her children spearing them the pain.
I’m just making up stories. I won’t know until I hear the rest of the story.
Friends of mine who have lost both mother and father have said, “That while they loved both parents, losing their mother touched them at a depth of grief that they didn’t know existed”. For me, it was the death of my grandmother.
I’ll be reading next week.
Phew..What an impact that statement had on me when I read it. I am a mother of 5 children 4 I have born, 1 I have lost at 1 month old & 1 is my partners. To lose a child is a devistating thing I would mot wish on my worst enemy. Children are meant to out live parents not the other way round.
Then to put the shoe on the other foot. Would I want my child to live in pain for a long period of time…..or go through what is going on over in alot of countries at the moment, the answer would be NO. Then I would only hope that death would come fast not just to my child/ren but to myself.
I would like to hear/read her whole story. If I could I would rather help her in her time of need.
Most parents wish for their children a long and happy life with a fulfillment of their dreams and a sense of accomplishment.
I know I did and still do and I feel it even more strongly with the arrival of my first grandson. The woman in the story may have been in an intolerable situation and felt apprehensive about not being able to shield her children from the harsh life that awaited them after she was gone.
Or conversely, she may have felt her children’s love for her was so strong that they would be more devastated by her passing and that she was better able to bear theirs. In this I think she might be mistaken, for God grants us the strength to bear the troubles that come our way if we are open to His grace.
In either case I wonder if she was giving her children credit for being able to cope as well as she could with whatever life throws at us. Having never been faced with some of life’s harder choices I would not be quick to judge her, as I would not be judged myself. That is only for God and , as He doesn’t judge us until the end of life, neither should we. I do wonder, however, if this woman received the support of her family, friends and neighbors in facing her situation, whatever it was. It is sad to think of her having to make such a choice in isolation and despair.
This woman really loved her children and had really wanted her children to get the best care in the world.She believed she was the only one who could give the best care to her children she could not entrust then in any other person’s care she had seen the roughside of life and always would wish to be there for her children when the going for her children went tough.So she didn’t want to die leave her children on earth without knowing what would happen to her children when she dies.
my mother committed suicide at 41…It was on my 22nd birthday….I know how i missed having a mother as each of my children were born….i saw the pain in my grandmother’s eyes who lived till 90….i have faced possible death to my own children (one almost succeded to drugs as a 16 yo drug addict…I also know that when we die-we cross over so never really leave…i had wished my mom to be in my life many a time but also was fortunate to let my “nana” cross over in peace…the cemetary where my mother was buried never could grow grass over her space UNTIL my nana was laid head to head with her 25 years later–I can understand this mother’s point of view–wanting to make sure her children were never left alone to survive this world and i undrstand how this could be a fear of loosing the most cherished of human relationships…all i know is i can’t judge anyone…we all have a different job on earth…all i know is all relationships of spirit never begin or end–they just change
It’s my belief that any Mother who would want her
children to die before them is a VERY Strong and
Loving Mother.
That strength, although I’m a Father instead of a
Mother, could very well explain her reasons for
wanting something so out of the ordinary.
Because she doesn’t want her children to have the
horrible experience of losing a parent, she hopes
to remedy that situation by wanting her children
to go first.
In todays world with all the terrorism and crime,
it’s very difficult for Mothers, and Fathers too,
to think about their children growing up, only to
experience many of the same pains and hurt that
they have been brought up experiencing.
So, to me, it’s a very natural thing to want to
outlive your children. It would be tragic, but
at least you were able to comfort them for their
entire lives and help them when they needed it
most. . .something a parent can only dream of.
I can only think of three reasons why a
mother would say such a thing: 1.Insanity. 2. Her children have some dreadful disease and are under her loving care. 3. She is so pessimistic and cynical about the future that she believes there is no future worth living.( perhaps this conversation took place in a death camp of some kind?) I look forward to hearing the full story.
I’ve buried a child, and I can’t imagine what would motivate such a statement.
I immediately thought of the mother of Mattie Stepanek, the extraordinary young man who died last year from a rare form of muscular dystrophy. His mother had lost three other children to the same condition and she also suffers from muscular dystrophy. I believe she alone was responsible for these children and would not have wanted to die before them but remain so she could see to their care until the end.
i too would say the same thing and wish for the same under some possible extreme circumstance where my children would not be able to take care of themselves. i would therefore be able to tend for their needs and be there for them till their very end. i would then rest peacefully after having done all that i can for my beloved children.
When I first read the comment “I hope my children die before I do,” I was aghast! But, after thinking about this and the situation I am currently going through it wasn’t as shocking. My dear, sweet Mother has Alzheimer’s disease and we just recently put her in a home. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. She is so distraught there that the entire family is stressed. It is a horrid situation for everyone involved. I hope I am spared from ALZ so that my children do not have to go through what I am going through with my Mother, even if it means they die before I do. I say this out of my love for them and would not wish anyone the horrible disease of Alzheimer’s. God Bless my poor Mother!
When I first read the statement, “I hope my children die before I do, I, personally was saddened. It is difficult to try to understand how a mother could make such a statement, even with knowing the entire story. It may be that the woman so loves her children, she feels that she has the greater strength, and can better endure the loss of her children than they will be able to endure the loss of their mother? Who can judge upon hearing a single statement? To borrow from Kahil Gibran, Children are a Gift of God who come through us, but not of us. It is our pleasure to house their bodies, but we cannot invade their souls. Their destiny is in the hands of their maker…I have great difficulty trying to understand the statement, and I look forward to reading the rest of the story.
In Peace, Louise (Lulu)
I imagine that the woman wishes that she could always be around to help her children in any way possible. And, doesn’t want to miss a precious minute of time with them.
She’s probably the type that gazed lovingly at them for hours even in their sleep.
Lisa
the first thought that cross my mind When heard that statement is “What a horrible mom”.
but that statement is too short, so I couldn’t give a judgement to the woman.
I should know “What was in her mind ? & There could be a reason why she said that?”
Sometime in certain time & condition we say something that so cruel, but we don’t meant that & left a deep of regret.
I couldn’t guess why she said that.
Maybe she angry that time
Maybe she has very a lot of affection & worried to her children ’cause the world be come crazy
and there’s could be many of reason’s.
So we need more explanations from the rest of the story
My reaction after reading the statement is that it is very profound.
“What she means that she wants to be of service to every one who depended on her until their death”. She is not wishing every one to die; but desires long enough to serve everyone” till their end”
Yours sincerely,
M.K.Menon
My first reaction was in fact to through the first stone. I stopped, counted to 10 and thought to myself that there must be something in this person’s life to cause her to make such a statement. I’m curious to know what it is. Is she someone who needs love, comfort, compassion and understanding so that she can give those feelings to others? Love herself? Love life? Love her children above all else?We need to know the whole story.
I beleive The woman has lost sight of what we are called to do: to make this a better place for all when we leave this life.
On a more positive note: perhaps the children are suffering so much in this life that no one else could care for them as she does.
Having been a single mother for years and my best friend having had a handicapped child we often made this statement to each other and people were also appalled, because they couldn’t understand. People misunderstood us we wanted our children to grow up, be healthy, get married, have babies, and we wanted to be grandmothers. We just didn’t want our children to ever experience life alone if something should ever happened to us we didn’t want our children to go to the system as youths and be defenseless. In my friend’s case she never wanted her son to go to the system to become a number and never experience the love a mother can only give to her children. My daughter is now 23 years of age and my friend’s son has gone to be with the Lord. I am happily remarried and I have a ten year old son and one night while praying together he asked God that he wanted to die before his mommy died. In disbelief, we asked him why this prayer, his reply, “Mommy, who will love me like you do, take me to swimming practice, bring cupcakes to my school, talk to me, tell my future wife what I like, and hold him when I hurt?” When I replied, daddy, his reply back, “I know daddy loves me and will do these things, but not the way you do them and it won’t be the same.” That night I started praying that “appalling” prayer all over again.
I can not imagine why any mother to have their children die first! I can not imagine!!
I think that it shows the compassion of a mother. She sees death as a tremendous pain for the survivors, and as such wanted to spare her children this pain. Where would the world be without the compassions that mothers bring to the world.
If my children ever had to live a life as painful as mine than I wish for them to be spared the pain. All this talk of trials and tribulation making you stronger and you will get more in the end is really just a lot of talk. So perhaps it was said in compassion and she just does not want the children to suffer as she has. This is a cruel hard life.
There can be so many reason that would cause a mother to say something like that. Her children may be sick or disabled. They may be on drugs with no hope of getting off them. On the other hand, the way we humans treat each other with little regards for life, the mother maybe trying to spare her children the agony of having to witness a major war, sickness and hunger. Just the other day, I was watching my cat and dog playing with each other and I immediately drifted off into space asking myself why can’t we humans be like them, two different species, yet friends.
The reason for this seemingly shocking statement may well be that the mother is so overcome with concern for the support and well-being of children who may not be able to support themselves due to some physical or mental challenges that render them incapable of taking care of themselves. She may be concerned that the responsibility may prove too great for another person/s who are not related to her children as she is after she is gone.
I did have one of my children die and I wouldn’t wish it on the worst enemy anyone could ever have.
I work in Holocaust studies in Jerusalem and I tried to think of any survivor I ever heard say anything like that. I cannot think of a one. And if they didn’t say it…
But perhaps – if you were both about to be killed you would want to hold your child and keep “her” safe as long as possible – comfort her and help her to go on.
My first thought was that she had realized how badly we’re treating our planet. The pecipitous fall of our societal mores and values caused her to think that she did want her children to inherit such a terrible future. So, my reaction was one of calmness and understanding.
It is interesting that each of us responds as if this was “our” story. We have no idea what the woman was dealing with in her life at the time she made this statement.
After reading the comments, not one person replied like those in my Sunday School class yesterday. Their comment was even more shocking than the statement. They seemed to agree that the woman was a selfish, controlling person and didn’t want to give up control and let her children be their own persons.
That led me to think about how I view my own children. I long ago “gave up” my role as a control in my children’s life. My contol over my children ended when they left home and were on their own. My job now is to be a listening ear and advise when they ask me to. When I slip back into that control role, my children remind me. I think that is why we have such a good and loving relationship.
I am trilled to see how my children have faced their own trials in life and turned to God to see them through their trials as well as their joys. I love to see the way they are raising their children to be loving and serving human beings. A big part of me wants to live forever to see how the story continues for my children, grandchildren, etc.
There are so many ways to view this woman’s statement. I am looking forward to hearing “the rest of the story”.
I learned a while ago, not to judge a person by one comment….. taken out of context. I’d like to know ‘the rest of the story.’
Wow, the range of readers responces are interesting. From critical to compassion.
I think it was said out of love, whatever the reason.
“I hope my children die before I do”
This comment say to a nun from a mother, has to be out of love, we are eternal souls to die is just a transition a graduation, for whatever reason this mother out of love wants them to go first.
I learned a while ago to not judge another person’s comments taken out of context. I’d like to know ‘the rest of the story.’
I learned a while ago to not judge a person’s comments taken out of context. I’d like to know ‘the rest of the story.’
The only reasons I could imagine wanting one’s children to die first would be because of some disaster where ALL were about to die, and the mother wanting to be alive longer in order to be able to comfort her children in their last moments. The other “scenario” would be if the children had a severe health problem and need lifelong special care, the tender, loving care that only their mother would provide. Other than that, I can only imagine one who is severely depressed, down on the world and life. My prayers always go out to parents, for strength, wisdom, courage, and love, with deep gratitude for the parents I had, and the children and grandchildren I have.
Dear Michael,
‘What a thought provoking statement!’
Why would anyone make such a remark?
It reminds me of the Bible message when Jesus said , ‘Let him who is free of sin cast the first stone’
Hence I have learned that one cannot give an opinion without the facts nor have an understanding of the situation one is asked to comment.
I have learned that there are no right or wrong, good or bad. It all depends on your understanding of the situation and your values system. I have also learnt to look at things from a different angle – namely the ‘middle way’. Instead of judging what is right or wrong, good or bad – perhaps look at what is appropriate under that particular situation or circumstances.
For example, would you cut off your arm to free yourself and save your life? (Like what Aron Ralston did when he was trapped for days under a rock?)
Who is right or wrong? What is good or bad in the Middle East and Iraq conflict?
There is no royal road to anything. The road to success is paved with a higher level of understanding, higher level of trust and greater ‘win-win’ responsibility.
Anyway, I looked forward to the rest of the story of ‘The first stone”
Kind regards
Not enough information to really have an intelligent opinion. Who knows what her children were suffering through or what their lives were like? To cast an opinion on a statement like that one needs to have more information unless one is projecting and assuming the context.
For myself as the divorced father of four, I just want my children to have a better quality of life than I did, but with the direction of the current administration, I don’t know if that will be possible.
Terry
I can imagine such a comment from someone who would never want her children to experience the agony of watching someone else die a horribly painful death. I can also imagine someone wanting their children to die rather than live through a horrible death of their own. I wonder if living would mean the children would experience torture because of what they knew or what the mother knew, and the mother could not bear the thought of what might be done to her children.
When I read this about the woman who said that “I hope that my children die before I do”. My first thoughts were what kind of a sick selfish person could say something like this. Then I thought she must have been really mistreated in some way to have said something like this. This woman really needs our prayers and support to get over these hurt feelings.
the mother must have a strong reason why she said those statement and that what i want to know. because being a mother we always want the best for our children…
I am first shocked by the statement!! As a mother of 2 girls, the last thing I’d want to do is bury them before I die. It seems selfish and unloving at face value. I’d like to know the rest of the story, and I pray it’s not as bad as that one statement makes it appear.
After hearing this comment ” I hope my children die before I do”… Makes me wonder, what is worring this woman. I can’t judge her, because I do not know what kind of life she is living. Some reactions from a mothers’ love is unexplainable. I am interested to hear the completion of this story.
My first thought was that she has no Ideal what pain she will face with the loss of a child and then my next thought is that what is wrong with her children that she would want them to die before her. What illness do they have or what suffering are they going through that she doesn’t want them to experience any further. The rest of the story will give us all a different look I sure.
I would have to know the whole story to really understand. I would guess she may have been in a bad situation, like the woman in Sophie’s Choice or maybe she was severely scared and confused. Or maybe sick, mentally ill or any number of circumstances that I would not know unless I was in her shoes. I am curious to hear what the story is all about. Thanks for sharing. Sophy
Who are we to judge a matter before being aware of all the facts?
I feel for this mother either way.
If her children have some terrible health problem, who can love them like their mother.
If the mother lacks a mother’s love for her children then she is in desperate need of love and help. Either way the mother and her family need god’s mercy and love.
My first thought was why should I make a judgement on this person’s statement?… I don’t know the whole story… and I wondered why you asked what I thought of this woman… and why you made it sound like it was a horrible statement… I’m sure you have your reasons also… but honestly, I have no reaction other then interest at this point… I will wait for the whole story before I can tell you if I have an opinion.
I must know this woman’s story. When I read that comment I felt sad. I did not feel anger or contempt against this woman. I share emphathy with her although I don’t know why.
I am back again. earlier, I stated that I feel an empathy with this woman and did not know why. But now I think I know. I tried to think of an instance where I would want my children to die before I do. Please follow me. Me and my children are stranded or stuck some place and it was evident that we where all going to die because of the situation or circumstance that we where currently in. If it was just me and my children. I would rather my children die before me than to be left behind scared and to watch each other die or to do suffer alone. It brings a lump in my throat just to imagine my children being faced with that. That would be a reason why I would want my children to die before I do.
Dear Michael-
I actually look at this statement differently. I don’t think this woman was saying this to be appalling or cruel. This woman must love to live and love to see life. Life that she began and what I think is that she must see this as a storybook. The book is about her and children. The ability to read the whole book from beginning to end is indefinitely something to cherish. Each chapter is a change in her life or her children’s life. What this says about the woman is that she has compassion. She has compassion for life and love.
The reason she must have said this is her opportunity to tell others her story, one of her chapters in her book and share her compassion of live and love.
This is my opinion of what it means.
I’m hoping that the family is in such awful circumstances that death would be a blessing (such as deadly disease, captivity…) and that the mother is therefore being selfless and not selfish.
I think the woman was simply stating that she wanted to be there for her children until the end of their lives so that she can always be there for them and see to their emotional needs. How many times as adults do we just want to talk to mom or get a hug from mom because of what it meant to us as children.
My first reation was dismay and my impression would be to think the lady in question must be quite depressed or disturbed to have such an outlook on life.
I would not know what would drive a mother to say such a thing. There’s more to it than the statement.
First impression is terrible, but I think there is the reason to say something like that! I see 2 options: these children are very sick and nobody can takes care if the mother is dead; second option : the children are drugsdealers of murders. So in the first case we see LOVE and in the second case the moral is above love. In my eyes both situations are very painful for the mother
First impression is terrible, but I think there is the reason to say something like that! I see 2 options: these children are very sick and nobody can takes care if the mother is dead; second option : the children are drugsdealers of murders. So in the first case we see LOVE and in the second case the moral is above love. In my eyes both situations are very painful for the mother
The statement was surely one that a mother would not usually make under normal circumstances. So I get the impression that her whole world is turned upside down. The fact that she was speaking with a nun tells me that perhaps she needed comfort, guidance, inspiration or just a safe place, a safe person with whom she could bear her heart and soul. In any event, the response she needs is mercy, like the rest of us.
I found myself assuming that she would not want her children to suffer in losing her.
Then I read several of the posts and I was concerned, as a mother, at how many people can’t even imagine making a sacrifice for their children not to have to suffer. Remember, she didn’t say she wanted them to die. It was more of a statement of if that was the way it could be. But my biggest concern is for the people who have turned life into a no right or wrong zone. How can one stand up for what is right if they have blinded themselves to what it looks like?
There are mothers who have been twisted enough with some kind of evil to kill their own children. They have certainly blinded themselves to what may be wrong with their actions, but that isn’t the same as neither right nor wrong.
It sounds like a stunning comment at first. I can only think of how it seems that the most painful thing in the world would be to have one of my children die before me, it doesn’t seem like the proper way in the cycle of life etc.
I have to wonder what would make her say or think such a thing though, what kind of view she has of the future world her children will face, either without her or simply what kind of world it will be in the years beyond her lifetime. Is she so pessimistic or unhappy about life herself that she sees no possibility of a positive life for her children and thinks they would be better off dead?
I don’t see selfishness in her comment because she doesn’t say she wants them to die now and allow her to live her life, but simply that they would go first. Why? Who knows! Only she does.
Last year, my aunt attended the funeral of one of her family on the mainland. Having returned home, she found one of her sons dead in his home. It prompted something in her and she decided that on her next birthday, she will be 90 years old and since she never had a birthday party up until that point, she would give her self one. I agreed to assist her with organizing the party etc.
Since most of her guest resided on the mainland, I called to advise them of the party date so that they could make their reservations early if they plan to attend. One of the guest in particular, Evelyn, was so nice that I immediately loved her and could not wait to meet her in person. I talked with her often, I even made her airline reservations and keep in touch with her up until she left her home to travel. Maybe my liking her so quickly was because she is a pastor and reminded me of someone who was very spiritual and like a mom to me.
Since the party was January 2, of this year, most of the guests arrived around December 29 and 30. Evelyn came on the 29. During the winter season, hotel rooms in the US Virgin Islands, are quite expensive, however, if locals who reside on the islands make reservations, they get a much lower rate per night. We had reserved 25 rooms for our guests at one of the hotels. We also had two chauffeurs to take our guests around the island. Therefore, their expense was hotel cost and sometimes food. Evelyn stayed in one of these rooms.
Since I was not staying at the hotel and visited them daily, I had no close contact with Evelyn for long periods except for the time when I went shopping for her or stopped by and chatted with her for about half an hour. By the second day of her arrival, everyone began complaining and avoided her. They told me things about her; however, I justified it by telling them that she was 90 years old.
On the day of the party, Rev Evelyn performed so badly. We had over 150 guests in attendance and I was responsible for ensuring that our guests were comfortable. However, Rev Evelyn wanted special attention and because she did not get it, she became angry. The day after the party, early in the morning, I received a call from her informing me that this place made her sick and the people were not nice; as a result, she wanted to return to the mainland the same day or the next day. Since I was in the middle of doing something for my family, I told her that it would have to be the next day. My sister and I took her to the airport the following day and I did not hear from her again until March 13.
The reality is that I thought Evelyn to be a nice person because she was a pastor. However, she was not. She was ungrateful, bossy, self-centered, and expected people to cater to her every whim. To sum it all up she was a nightmare from HELL. When this did not happen, she became abusive and nasty to those who genuinely cared for her and wanted to help her. Her behavior and attitude towards the workers and guests at the hotel was inexcusable. I now have a different opinion of her, which is not too nice.
i wasn’t horrified at this statement, i just read love. She wouldn’t want her children to go through the loss of someone they love so dearly. I think maybe she might have already experienced the death of a loved one, maybe even her mother or father and realized the great pain that it causes. I don’t see her statement as horrifying but loving, as a mother i suppose she wouldn’t want her children to go through any form of pain. I’ve heard that mothers will do anything to keep their child from the path of hurt or pain.
I think mother might be taking care of her sick children (some uncurable illness). So without her, they will be having miserable life (no one to take care, etc.). So that’s why she might have said that statement. So, without knowing the circumstances, we can’t judge the mother.
The comment the womam made by saying ‘I hope my child dies before I do’. For some reason this in no way surprised me, nor was I appalled. I am a mother of an eight year, sweet little boy, and would like life to treat him kindly. Unfortunately this is not always the case. May be she feels if she dies before her child, she would no longer be around to help with all the struggles and hardship of life. One tend to always worry about their children, no matter how old they are. The part they may take, the friends they may follow. Sometimes in death, one is free from all trials, tribulations and hardship of life.
the comment sounds wicked but it might just be a mum that wants to save her children from seeing her die, she may want to be there to help her children go thru the death process and then die knowing her children died happy!e.g AIDS case!in any way, you look at it, its a sad comment!
I have read many of the past comments on different subjects. I have only joined in the last month. It always says I will give you the answer next week. Well, How do we get to next week. I would like to know what the anwer to this truly is. Anything I would guess would only be something I made up based on my filters, beliefs systems and my past. Please let me know how this ends.
Thank you